We would like to thank Bryn for contributing her Bill Murray Story. Thanks!
Every once and a while I make late night Dunkin’ Donuts runs with friends. This may seem like no big deal to anyone from the east coast, but where I live, the only Dunkin’ is over 2 hours away. It’s always an adventure.
Just a couple weeks ago I got a call from 2 of my best friends. They were in New Mexico and would be driving all night to get home, their route would go through Colorado Springs, where Dunkin’ is located. The invited a friend and I to meet us there so I told them to call me when they got into Colorado, and we would start heading over there.
When it got to be around 2am, we started to regret this plan. We had no idea when they’d be getting into Colorado because, around 11pm, they had told us that they’d be in Colorado in a couple of hours. We just had to remember how wonderful the doughnuts would taste.
Finally at 3:30am we get the call. “Okay we are in Trinidad, so we should be at Dunkin’ in two and a half hours.”
Super psyched, I hopped in the car with my buddy, Stephen. As we are heading to the highway we pass a creepy looking van and joke about how it’s probably a rapist van. It turned right a couple blocks before the highway exit. As I get into the turn lane I realize the pedo-van is right behind me, making the worst sound to ever come from a car. After it followed us for a few miles, I start to worry; so I slow down and allow it to pass. The passenger side door was missing and the driver was wearing a big puffy coat with the hood up.
At 5:30 we finally get to Dunkin’ Donuts! But apparently our friends would be a bit delayed because they hit a bucket.
As we sit and wait in our car in the parking lot, a van pulls in a couple spaces a way; the same “pedo-van” we saw earlier. First we were surprised that the piece of shit made it so far but we quickly became concerned. Did this person follow us all the way to Colorado Springs?
The man with the giant coat got out of his van and proceeded to buy 3 dozen doughnuts before returning to his car where he quickly began to eat them. Stephen and I watched in amazement as the man devoured his 36 doughnuts in under 10 minutes. As he finished the last one, he pulled down his hood.
“Holy shit! Stephen, that’s Bill fucking Murray!”
Bill looked over as he wiped powdered sugar from his face. He smiled and said “No one will ever believe you”. He started up his car and drove off, laughing.